Despite my last post, I was actually feeling pretty decent by that evening. I will speak more on the different things happening once they are finalized because I do not want to jinx myself in any of the things that may or may not be coming up. I will speak about how important it is to take your time and process things the way that I did.
It was very important that I realized and took the quiet time to process my feelings. After I took a little time, not too much, I decided to send some emails and make some phone calls about the things that were bothering me. I waited until I was in a place that was not quite as emotional and then I was able to rationally think about things and ask the proper questions. This led to good answers that helped me calm down and see the brightness over my hole again.
I will update this with more details very soon but, not until the things that are looking up for me are finalized. Remember there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, some tunnels are just longer than others...
Friday, June 23, 2023
Wednesday, June 21, 2023
A Dark Hole
I wasn't going to blog this but, I really did want to keep this up to date and I do hope that if anyone ever finds this and reads it that it will help at least one person to not feel so alone...
The title is the only thing I can think of to describe what I am feeling right now. I feel like one thing after another is pushing me back down. I stand up from my chair to move forward and something forces me back down and it makes me feel stuck. I was so happy Monday, we got approved for our mortgage loan and I felt so hopeful for the future. We went over wedding things and worked on the playlist and it was a good day! I stood up from my chair to move forward in my life and was excited...
Life slammed me back down into my chair the past 2 days! I was very hopeful for a job opportunity...I have not been told no yet but from what I have been told, it does appear as if someone found a reason to say "not yet". I would not feel so bad if I had not resigned from my previous position because I was told that I was being hired and that there was no reason I should not get the job. I am trying to hold on to faith and I have prayed countless times about it however, unless there is a loop hole (which I am praying there is), it's in black and white that I did not get the new position for some unknown reason.
This morning, SLAM, life made sure I had not tried to stand up from my chair...I just wanted to get to the university to go to the session that would help prepare me for edTPA. My tire was flat, I had to pump it in the heavy rain and got soaked...then within the first mile off my road I hydroplaned twice and lost control of my car once. I was so discouraged and scared of the weather and the roads that I turned around and went back home. So now I am sitting in my bed feeling extremely deflated and stuck in this dark hole that life is keeping me in at this moment.
Will I see things in a brighter light soon? I surely hope so, I will definitely try! Will I allow this to ruin my entire day? I don't think so, I don't plan to. Am I very down right now and just want to be in my darkness for a little bit? Very much so! Is that okay? Yes, it is!
So...I will allow myself to sit in my room and darkness and zone out watching TV, maybe even take a nap. The events since Monday are just the new events...it doesn't count my lack of income right now, my need to find a summer job or summer income, my unhappiness with my health, or any of the other things that have been affecting me long term. So, I need a short break to allow myself to process everything that I am feeling in this dark hole and that is okay. It is okay for me to take the time I need in order to process my feelings...I will not allow myself to sulk too long and once I am ready, I will turn on my light and start making a plan for what I will do if my current plans continue to fall through. I will continue to pray through my darkness for my mental health and for guidance through this darkness. I started writing with a completely different intention but, I will not beat myself up for needing time to process my feelings because it is okay to feel deeply about these things. It is my goal to come back to this blog later today and be able to post more positive information but, if I cannot do that then it will be okay and I will try again tomorrow...
IF anyone ever actually reads this and you are feeling this darkness for any reason...remember, it is okay to sit in your thoughts and process your feelings. Just make sure that you don't stay in the darkness too long and that you work out a plan because everything happens for a reason, even if we don't understand that reason in the moment...
The title is the only thing I can think of to describe what I am feeling right now. I feel like one thing after another is pushing me back down. I stand up from my chair to move forward and something forces me back down and it makes me feel stuck. I was so happy Monday, we got approved for our mortgage loan and I felt so hopeful for the future. We went over wedding things and worked on the playlist and it was a good day! I stood up from my chair to move forward in my life and was excited...
Life slammed me back down into my chair the past 2 days! I was very hopeful for a job opportunity...I have not been told no yet but from what I have been told, it does appear as if someone found a reason to say "not yet". I would not feel so bad if I had not resigned from my previous position because I was told that I was being hired and that there was no reason I should not get the job. I am trying to hold on to faith and I have prayed countless times about it however, unless there is a loop hole (which I am praying there is), it's in black and white that I did not get the new position for some unknown reason.
This morning, SLAM, life made sure I had not tried to stand up from my chair...I just wanted to get to the university to go to the session that would help prepare me for edTPA. My tire was flat, I had to pump it in the heavy rain and got soaked...then within the first mile off my road I hydroplaned twice and lost control of my car once. I was so discouraged and scared of the weather and the roads that I turned around and went back home. So now I am sitting in my bed feeling extremely deflated and stuck in this dark hole that life is keeping me in at this moment.
Will I see things in a brighter light soon? I surely hope so, I will definitely try! Will I allow this to ruin my entire day? I don't think so, I don't plan to. Am I very down right now and just want to be in my darkness for a little bit? Very much so! Is that okay? Yes, it is!
So...I will allow myself to sit in my room and darkness and zone out watching TV, maybe even take a nap. The events since Monday are just the new events...it doesn't count my lack of income right now, my need to find a summer job or summer income, my unhappiness with my health, or any of the other things that have been affecting me long term. So, I need a short break to allow myself to process everything that I am feeling in this dark hole and that is okay. It is okay for me to take the time I need in order to process my feelings...I will not allow myself to sulk too long and once I am ready, I will turn on my light and start making a plan for what I will do if my current plans continue to fall through. I will continue to pray through my darkness for my mental health and for guidance through this darkness. I started writing with a completely different intention but, I will not beat myself up for needing time to process my feelings because it is okay to feel deeply about these things. It is my goal to come back to this blog later today and be able to post more positive information but, if I cannot do that then it will be okay and I will try again tomorrow...
IF anyone ever actually reads this and you are feeling this darkness for any reason...remember, it is okay to sit in your thoughts and process your feelings. Just make sure that you don't stay in the darkness too long and that you work out a plan because everything happens for a reason, even if we don't understand that reason in the moment...
Wednesday, May 10, 2023
Setting Up for Success
It is very important if you wish to find success for you to set yourself up for success. I know that I am the only person who will know what I need in order to be successful. Nobody else is able to step in and make decisions for me; they are not able to decide what I need.
I want to be successful and I know that I can be successful in all areas of my life. I also know that there are different things I need in place in my life in order to reach that level of success.
For example, I want my personalized crafts business to be successful and to provide a decent amount of income for me. I also know that in order for that goal to become reality, I need to be more motivated and dedicated to making things. I need to get my business out there more also; I need to show up for vendor events and post more online. I know all of these things however, I find excuses.
What's your excuse for not reaching your potential and not getting things done? Mine...I always find reasons such as I'm too tired, too busy, my foot hurts (another story), I'll do it tomorrow, and so much more. But then look at the amount of time you spend on social media such as TikTok each day... During that time that I am scrolling on TikTok, I could have been making a design and making 1 or 2 shirts. The time that I am playing a game on my phone could be around an hour of painting a personalized wood craft.
The whole point is, when we say we don't have time to do smomething do we really not have time or are we just not prioritizing ourselves and our goals? Think about it...I know that I have thought about it a lot and I know that I need to make changes where this is concerned.
I want to be successful and I know that I can be successful in all areas of my life. I also know that there are different things I need in place in my life in order to reach that level of success.
For example, I want my personalized crafts business to be successful and to provide a decent amount of income for me. I also know that in order for that goal to become reality, I need to be more motivated and dedicated to making things. I need to get my business out there more also; I need to show up for vendor events and post more online. I know all of these things however, I find excuses.
What's your excuse for not reaching your potential and not getting things done? Mine...I always find reasons such as I'm too tired, too busy, my foot hurts (another story), I'll do it tomorrow, and so much more. But then look at the amount of time you spend on social media such as TikTok each day... During that time that I am scrolling on TikTok, I could have been making a design and making 1 or 2 shirts. The time that I am playing a game on my phone could be around an hour of painting a personalized wood craft.
The whole point is, when we say we don't have time to do smomething do we really not have time or are we just not prioritizing ourselves and our goals? Think about it...I know that I have thought about it a lot and I know that I need to make changes where this is concerned.
Tuesday, May 2, 2023
Ketone Update
I am not doing the best with updating daily, no surprise there but I have been nonstop sick and feeling like I was never going to get better. But, for an honest review of the Ketones, I was not able to keep drinking them the way that I was trying to. I may try doing a half a pack each day in order to see how they work and get a good review of them. Ever since I had Covid last July I have not been able to handle anything too sweet. There is so much artificial sweetener in the drink mixes that I am not able to get past the first few sips when I do a full pack. It is just way too much for me.
The first few days when I was only doing half packs went pretty well and I lost 2 pounds so I do believe that for the right person, it would really work well but I am just not that right person I don't think. If I am able to do 1/2 pack each day then I will update with that progress and information but I will just have to see how it goes.
The first few days when I was only doing half packs went pretty well and I lost 2 pounds so I do believe that for the right person, it would really work well but I am just not that right person I don't think. If I am able to do 1/2 pack each day then I will update with that progress and information but I will just have to see how it goes.
Sunday, April 23, 2023
ENGAGED!!!
It's no secret that I have been longing for my fairy tale happily-ever-after for my entire life...ever since I watched Cinderella and fell in love with the movie when I was a toddler, I have wanted my Prince Charming.
I honestly did not think that day was going to come forever, if ever, and that's not Shaun's fault...blame it on my past and my overthinking and worrying. I just never thought I would get my happily-ever-after and my dream wedding...
BUT...on April 15, at Bri's 18th birthday party, Shaun asked me to marry him and gave me the beautiful ring in the picture below! Of course I said YES!
And it gets even better...we went on Monday April 17 and secured our venue and our date! We are getting Married on Saturday March 23, 2024!!! I am so excited and we are going to get our happily-ever-after!
I honestly did not think that day was going to come forever, if ever, and that's not Shaun's fault...blame it on my past and my overthinking and worrying. I just never thought I would get my happily-ever-after and my dream wedding...
BUT...on April 15, at Bri's 18th birthday party, Shaun asked me to marry him and gave me the beautiful ring in the picture below! Of course I said YES!
And it gets even better...we went on Monday April 17 and secured our venue and our date! We are getting Married on Saturday March 23, 2024!!! I am so excited and we are going to get our happily-ever-after!
12 Days of SICK
I came into this and I said, I am going to do this every day and then life said "watch this"! I have been so sick for the past two weeks that I have not had the energy to do anything! I am behind on school work and lesson plans and all of the things that I am supposed to be doing and getting done...
I still have the same goals and plans that I have had all along, I just have to start over on them. I almost feel like this is life's way of telling me to slow down and helping me to prepare for different obstacles. I've had plenty of practice with that! I guess I just need to get better with follow through when the unexpected happens.
So my goal will be to finish out my Ketone trial and review that. I do know that I had lost 2 pounds in the 3 days that I was on it but I have been too sick to care about drinking ketones. I also want to do the living intentionally that I had posted about. I am still a little under the weather so the plan is going to be to start back drinking ketones tomorrow, which will give me a full 7 days on them. I will spend the next week getting things in order around the house so that I can begin the full living intentional challenge starting May 1. Until then I will be doing most of the things on my list but there are a few that I can not do until I have done a deep clean around the house and things like that. I am still sick so I do not want to jump in head first and crash again.
So...that's this update...check out the very next post for some super exciting news!
I still have the same goals and plans that I have had all along, I just have to start over on them. I almost feel like this is life's way of telling me to slow down and helping me to prepare for different obstacles. I've had plenty of practice with that! I guess I just need to get better with follow through when the unexpected happens.
So my goal will be to finish out my Ketone trial and review that. I do know that I had lost 2 pounds in the 3 days that I was on it but I have been too sick to care about drinking ketones. I also want to do the living intentionally that I had posted about. I am still a little under the weather so the plan is going to be to start back drinking ketones tomorrow, which will give me a full 7 days on them. I will spend the next week getting things in order around the house so that I can begin the full living intentional challenge starting May 1. Until then I will be doing most of the things on my list but there are a few that I can not do until I have done a deep clean around the house and things like that. I am still sick so I do not want to jump in head first and crash again.
So...that's this update...check out the very next post for some super exciting news!
Monday, April 10, 2023
Day 1 of Intentional Living
Today was a pretty good day for the first day of living intentionally as I mentioned in the post yesterday. I did not wake up as early as I would have liked to but I was still up earlier than usual on a day off. I made my bed and made my ketone drink (that review coming next week). I took that outside to drink while I took the dogs out. It was a nice (but cold) morning so I was drinking my drink while the dogs were out. I just took everything in and tried to ensure a good mindset for the day.
Once the drink was gone and the dogs were in, I got ready for the day including my skin care and getting dressed. I used the Grace app (will write about that tomorrow, it's amazing!) and was able to focus for the morning. I used today to clean off the side porch and, with some help, get ALL of our totes off of the front porch. I am working on me and getting things ready for my babies birthday cookout on Saturday.
I did not start 75 soft today like I had planned or go to join the gym so those things are on the agenda for tomorrow. I feel very accomplished today and almost all of my muscles hurt but, I feel good because I got so much done today! It's a short post for tonight but, I hope to have even more to update tomorrow and I will post about the Grace app. Good night and God Bless!
Once the drink was gone and the dogs were in, I got ready for the day including my skin care and getting dressed. I used the Grace app (will write about that tomorrow, it's amazing!) and was able to focus for the morning. I used today to clean off the side porch and, with some help, get ALL of our totes off of the front porch. I am working on me and getting things ready for my babies birthday cookout on Saturday.
I did not start 75 soft today like I had planned or go to join the gym so those things are on the agenda for tomorrow. I feel very accomplished today and almost all of my muscles hurt but, I feel good because I got so much done today! It's a short post for tonight but, I hope to have even more to update tomorrow and I will post about the Grace app. Good night and God Bless!
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